WHEN: Thursday, Oct 12th 6:30 – 9:30p
WHAT: Needs Negotiations in Relationships – Learn & Practice Night
What have you given up on getting from your partner?*
What do you keep trying to get from your partner, or “help” them with, or “hold space” for them while they work on it… even though they don’t show enough progress for you to be satisfied?
What are the needs you have given up on getting because it seems “reasonable” to not expect perfection from your partner?
But now, you carry a certain amount of resentment.
And are simply unmotivated to generously meet their needs in certain areas, as a result.
In what areas are you no longer curious (or, at this point, caring) about your partner’s needs?
In what areas have you stopped looking for your partner’s needs, because you don’t want to eagerly meet them?
If we are alive, love each other, and are in a relationship (or plan to be in one), there is hope.
In class, you will learn:
– a very clear, step-by-step process to discover and communicate your needs to your partner.
– You will learn how to (hopefully) inspire them (not pressure them or guilt them) to participate in meeting your need.
– You will learn how to make clear, concrete plans, together, AND how to gracefully structure the conversation if a partner fumbles in their new intention to meet your needs.
You will learn the tools. Plan to do some self-reflective work IN class, so BRING A JOURNAL/ PAPER AND PEN. And hopefully a couple or two will have time to have my guidance in front of the group for when you get stuck. (Semi-private coaching, VERY inexpensively!)
When presented with a new opportunity to learn something to better our relationship, we first need to allow for the possibility of hope. In ourselves. That though something has not been ideal for a period of time, that change *is* possible. If WE don’t allow hope, which can be scary and vulnerable, NO change is possible in our partner… or for the relationship.
“Trying again? When it didn’t work last time? If it doesn’t work THIS time, THEN how hopeless will I feel! It’s better to bury my hope.”
Once we’ve allowed ourselves to have hope, THEN we have to have courage to actually learn how to make the change/ take the class/ hire the coach/ reach out for help.
If we are not eagerly looking to meet our partner’s needs (sexually, affectionately, emotionally, verbally), SOMETHING is off. I wish you the courage to look at it straight in the eye, and come get help for it.
(Yes, you can book private time with me if you don’t want to share your issues in a class. Just email me. And… guaranteed other couples are having the same issue. Might be nice to feel not alone in this.)
WHERE: Evans Bros Coffee
HOW MUCH: Sliding Scale $40-60/person, Registration with Erin via firstname.lastname@example.org required by Tues, Oct 10th. (Sooner is appreciated!)
Please reach out to Erin if you can offer a scholarship for someone who may need one.
*(question designed by Alison Armstrong)
WHEN: Saturday, Oct 14th 10-6, Please bring potluck for afterward.
WHAT: Couples Retreat (that Singles can attend) Full Day: Commitment to Connect, Rescuing your Partner in a Healthy Way, and Nurturing Restful Connection.
Given that we will always have bumps in our relationships, I want to teach you one technique that will allow you to feel connected and on the same team DURING the bumps. Resetting and recommitting to your connection as tense moments begin or at any point during the difficulty, anchors the deepest truth in our relationships… We ARE together because we WANT and CHOOSE to be together. So let’s consciously USE that truth to soften us and have us be more present with each other.
This technique will allow you be more willing to collaborate and will relax the tightness we feel when we need to be right. It will change the style and your experience of fights. It is the primary tool in making your relationship resilient. As we seek to master relationship-Jedi skills, (re)design a kickass relationship, or nurture a warmer connection when times are difficult, we know it’s not about how many times we veer off course, but how quickly we can course-correct.
How do you notice you are out of connection? How do you notice your partner is out of connection? Before you get triggered. And once you recognize it, how do you rescue, rebalance and get back into restful connection with each other?
In the afternoon, you will learn how to regain the self you are proud of being, after getting triggered. When you’ve temporarily lost your perspective, your ability to acknowledge your partner’s best intentions, when you know you are about to say something you’ll regret later… there is a technique that will save you, save your partner, and potentially save your relationship. It’s so simple, so vulnerable, so appropriately interdependent, and so compassionate…
When you’ve done the best you can, and the techniques you learned in the morning class just aren’t working, this is when we bring out the heavy hitter technique. We practice every step, with each other, in real time, so when you need to use this technique, you have viscerally felt it before. You’ve had practice walking through the steps before. With a partner, or a friend… with someone right next to you. Your lifeboat. We won’t be practicing going diving and being lost at sea… we’ll be practicing how to ask for a lifeboat or recognizing their need/offering our partner one, how to get in the lifeboat, how to recognize that you are IN the lifeboat, and then how to relax and rest, while someone else rows you back in to shore.
Throughout the day and during meals, you’ll get to enjoy “restful connection” with each other.
WHERE: Private home in Sandpoint. Contact Erin at email@example.com to register by Thursday, Oct 12th, and you will be given the address.
HOW MUCH: $130/person. $110 if paid via Paypal to firstname.lastname@example.org, check or cash by Tues, Oct 10th.
Please consider contacting Erin to offer a scholarship for someone who may need one.
NOTE: Please bring potluck for dinner to enjoy together. Snacks and lunch will be provided. (You may need to bring your own lunch if you have food allergies/ sensitivities.)
PAST CLASSES in SANDPOINT:
WHEN: Sat 9/30. Lesson 8-9. Dance/ Hangout 9-11.
WHAT: BLUES NIGHT FOR DANCERS AND NON-DANCERS.
EASIEST Dance Lesson You’ll Ever Take – NO need to move your feet OR remember any moves! Just a much bigger step up from the high school sway.
Come, bring / have some drinks (BYOB + non-alcoholic drinks for purchase), enjoy some old dirty Southern Blues music,
take a “non-dance“ lesson that will have you enjoy moving with your sweetie *even* if you don’t like dancing,
and hang with your community.
WHERE: Evans Brothers Coffee
HOW MUCH: $15 (lesson from 8-9 + FREE DRINK + music 9-11)
$10 (no lesson, just hang and listen and dance, from 9-11)
Cash at the door.
WHEN: Sat 10/7 (All day or Part 1 alone)… Part 1: 10-1:30, Part II: 3-6:00, Registration by Friday, Oct 6th is required. Discount is registered by Thursday, Oct 5th. See below.
WHAT: For Women Only: Sacred Honoring of our (Current or Future) Partners and Honoring What Gets in the Way For Us + LIVE DEMO
This is a class unlike I have ever taught before. This is about honoring our partners. So that they can be the best person they can possibly be. And then… we benefit. WE have helped to build deep, lasting connection. When our partner is feeling seen on a profound, sacred level, what do you imagine they might bring to your relationship? To their lives? To the world?
We have, as our partner’s primary bonding partner (or even simply as their current sexual partner), a profound opportunity to help them usher in and BE their highest selves. WE can create a more open channel for them to be their best selves… by imagining their ideal selves as true, NOW, and taking that idea INTO our bodies (both spiritually and physically). But that might be hard to imagine if you are sitting here feeling like your tanks are empty.
In order to do that sacred, profound honoring, we have to FIRST… 1- honor our resistance to it… OUR unmet needs. 2- Plan how to get those needs met. 3- KNOW what our partner WANTS to call into his being. 4- And then, in the afternoon, have an incredibly rare and private opportunity to see how that honoring can be done with a partner.
You will only be witnessing the demo (vs. participating in it). We will process before and after it.
The afternoon demo cannot be attended without participating in the morning class.
20-30 minutes of private complimentary coaching is offered (and a phone/ Skype call is required) before registration is possible. No one can attend the class without a one on one call with Erin first. Private message Erin via FB, or email at email@example.com in order to schedule.
WHERE: You will get a private message with the location once you register.
HOW MUCH: $120 Full Day. $60 Morning only. Participation in the morning is required to attend the afternoon. Discount price of $100 full day/ $50 morning only if paid by cash or Paypal by end of day, Thursday, Oct 5th. Contact Erin if sliding scale is needed. PLEASE contact Erin to help OFFER scholarships!
WHEN: Mon, Oct 9th 6:30-9:30p
WHAT: Consciously Stepping out of Core Wounds
CO-TEACHER: Owen Marcus
Genius way to recognize deeply rooted defense patterns and practice healing them/ making a different choice. This is hacking defensive feelings and behavioral patterns in your life that are so deep they feel like your identity.
You will be able to recognize your patterns/ type during the class… you will feel it resonate in your body as I describe it… so that you’ll be able to work on your healing, and after making a better behavioral choice for a while out in your life, that pattern of defensiveness will become a bit less automatic.
Class includes lots of practice with our bodies, feeling the wound and feeling the gift of each psychological stage, and exactly how to get from the wound to the gift stage.
Reich asserted (and much of the field of psychology agrees at this point) that there are 5 psychological stages of development. When our parents, because of their wounds, don’t meet our needs in 1-5 of those stages, we develop what is referred to as “Core Wounds” or “Defense Styles/ Structures.” We all have them. And we usually stay stuck in them our whole lives.
Some of those defense patterns look like: dissociating from our bodies or not feeling fully safe being present in our bodies/ on this earth, believing that no one can really fulfill our needs or not really being aware of our own needs, but happy to fulfill others’ needs, enduring through much more than we should and then forgetting to take freedoms when we have them, controlling or dominating the situation out of fear of showing vulnerability because that meant deep betrayal in the past, becoming dramatic in order to be seen or following the rules in order to be approved of.
Owen uses these in men’s group, but doesn’t often teach about them directly. Ron Kurtz, who founded the very famous Hakomi Institute of Body-Centered Psychotherapy, and uses Reich’s model, pursued Owen to work for him, so Owen knows it well. Owen’s and my knowledge of this model are slightly different, and complement each others’ knowledge well.
WHERE: Evans Bros Coffee
HOW MUCH: Sliding Scale $40-60, Registration with Erin via firstname.lastname@example.org required by Sun, Oct 8th. (Sooner is appreciated!)
Please reach out to Erin if you can offer a scholarship for someone who may need one.
Boston Woman-Panel (For Men) : Challenge to Men 2: Jedi Listening
Jan 9, 2017 @ 6:45 pm – 10 pm EST
Boston Man-Panel: Learning to Hear Men’s Depth that We Yearn For
This Man-Panel is your chance to honestly, openly ask a panel of men the questions you’ve always wanted to ask. This is a workshop TEACHING us how to get to the depths of men… quite quickly.
Jan 11, 2017 @ 6:45 pm – 10 pm EST
Boston Woman-Panel(For Men) : Challenge to Men 2: Jedi Listening
Learn Jedi Listening Skills in New England… with *practice time* with some kick ass women!
January 11, 2017 at 6:45pm EST
Allen St, Arlington, MA 02474-5213, United States
Melbourne Authentic Relating Games Night @ Private location
Mar 6 @ 6:30 pm – 10:00 pm
Melbourne Man-Panel for Women: Do you want to hear more of the depth that men have? @ Private location
Mar 7 @ 10:00 am – 1:30 pm
Melbourne Challenge to Men 2: Listening to Women @ Private location
Mar 7 @ 2:30 pm – 6:00 pm
Melbourne Rescue your (Future) Relationship (Class 2 of 3) @ Private location
Mar 8 @ 10:00 am – 1:30 pm
Melbourne Spiraling Evening (Circling+ for Couples/Singles) @ Private location
Mar 8 @ 2:30 pm – 6:00 pm
Sydney FREE Challenge to Men 1 (for men) [Better communication + sex + integrity] @ Kundalini Yoga Collective Newtown
Mar 11 @ 6:30 pm – 10:00 pm
Sydney Challenge to Men 2: Listening to Women @ Private Location in Marrickville
Mar 12 @ 6:30 pm – 10:00 pm
Sydney Challenge to Men III: Work Through your S**T with Women @ Private Location in Marrickville
Mar 13 @ 6:30 pm – 10:00 pm
Sydney Man-Panel for Women: Do you want to hear more of the depth that men have? @ Kundalini Yoga Collective Newtown
Mar 14 @ 11:00 am – 2:30 pm
Sydney Spiraling Afternoon (Circling+ for Couples) @ Kundalini Yoga Collective Newtown
Mar 14 @ 3:30 pm – 6:30 pm
Sydney Commitment to Connect (Class 1 of 2) @ Kundalini Yoga Collective Newtown
Mar 15 @ 11:00 am – 2:30 pm
Sydney Rescue your (Future) Relationship (Class 2 of 2) @ Kundalini Yoga Collective Newtown
Mar 15 @ 3:30 pm – 6:30 pm
Brisbane FREE Challenge to Men 1 (for men) [Better communication + sex + integrity]
Mar 19 @ 7:30 pm – 11:00 pm
Brisbane Authentic Relating Games Night
Mar 20 @ 7:30 pm – 11:00 pm
Brisbane Challenge to Men 2: Listening to Women
Mar 21 @ 11:00 am – 2:30 pm
Byron Bay FREE Challenge to Men 1 (for men) [Better communication + sex + integrity]
Mar 25 @ 6:30 pm – 10:00 pm
Byron Bay Authentic Relating Games Night
Mar 26 @ 6:30 pm – 10:00 pm
Byron Bay Commitment to Connect (Class 1 of 2)
Mar 27 @ 6:30 pm – 10:00 pm
Byron Bay Challenge to Men II: Work Through your S**T with Women
Mar 28 @ 10:00 am – 6:00 pm
Christchurch FREE Challenge to Men 1 (for men) [Better communication + sex + integrity]
Apr 10 @ 4:30 pm – 8:00 pm
Christchurch Challenge to Men 2: Listening to Women
Apr 11 @ 7:30 am – 11:00 am
Christchurch Commitment to Connect (Class 1 of 2)
Apr 12 @ 8:00 am – 11:30 am
Christchurch Rescue your (Future) Relationship (Class 2 of 2)
Apr 12 @ 12:30 pm – 4:00 pm
Auckland FREE Challenge to Men 1 (for men) [Better communication + sex + integrity]
Apr 16 @ 4:30 pm – 8:00 pm
Auckland Commitment to Connect (Class 1 of 2)
Apr 17 @ 7:30 am – 11:00 am
Auckland Rescue your (Future) Relationship (Class 2 of 2)
Apr 17 @ 12:00 pm – 3:30 pm
Auckland Authentic Relating Games Night
Apr 17 @ 5:00 pm – 8:00 pm
Auckland Challenge to Men 2: Listening to Women
Apr 18 @ 7:30 am – 11:00 am
Auckland Man-Panel for Women: Do you want to hear more of the depth that men have?
Apr 18 @ 12:00 pm – 3:30 pm