Building Secure Attachment (for both Men and Women)

Secure attachment with our adult partners is enjoying our closeness, enjoying our independence, and having confidence that when we have needs, that our partner will gladly meet those needs for comfort, closeness, connection and then let us go be independent again.

Secure Attachment is AS IMPORTANT in our adult lives as it is when we were infants.

Sadly, we don’t all grow up feeling secure, wanted, close, and like “everything was just going to be ok” in our families. Maybe it was hard to get our parents’ attention unless it was for a task we had performed well. Maybe sometimes their attention was high quality, but the message that we were wanted and valued and worth their attention was inconsistent at best.

Luckily, NONE of that means we are doomed now. But it does mean that we… *most* of us, actually… need to practice specific methods of giving and receiving attention to allow us to let in connection in a way that feels safe. To correct the experiences that we’ve had in the past, so our future can be categorically different.

Come learn the different ways we might have grown up, and understand why we might be stuck in the behavioral patterns that cause us to:
– want more closeness than our partners can/ want to provide, or
– need more space than our partners want to give us.

Practice secure attachment behaviors now while you are calm, so when you are upset, the habit of using them is already patterned.

Attachment is our primary psychological system. Healing this system is the most efficient and effective work we can possibly do in ourselves individually, or in our couple.

Practicing even one of these exercises (which feel good), daily with your partner (or with yourself), will make a distinct difference in your current and/or future relationships.

Couples and singles welcome.

How to Make a Woman Melt/ How to Move a Woman (for both Men and Women)

Who class is for: This is a class for both men and women. It is not a dance class, but involves non-sexual touch, and some movement to music.

Men: experience what you need to do to skillfully move a woman and physically lead her around a room in a way that inspires her trust.
Women: experience what is needed to be moved in a way that is both within your boundaries and in line with your own desire.
All: Learn what makes good touch good.

Skills taught:
– How to say and receive a NO while staying open emotionally to another person
– How to make clear requests and invitations to the woman you’re with
– Hands on experience learning different kinds of non-sexual touch
– How to move a woman and lead her in such way that she feels safe, is able and willing to follow you where you want to take her
– Learn about when is the right time to touch her

– How to say and receive a NO while staying open emotionally to another person
– Connect to your boundaries and learn ways to communicate them clearly
– Hands on experience learning different kinds of non-sexual touch
– How to give feedback about touch to the man you are with in a way that he hears you without defensiveness
– Allow yourself to trust his lead as he moves your body around the room

– Enjoy the pleasure of safe, non-sexual touch, the exploration of allowing each partner to lead for a little while, and notice what reactions or enjoyment we have to following.

Class Description:
First, we start with an exercise to establish boundaries and communicate them in a fun, non-threatening way.
Then, we learn what makes good touch good, practicing the 4 levels of touch, and learning a vocabulary for requests and preferences for touch.
Finally, we learn about how bodies move, how we can move others’ bodies, a little about how to read non-verbal signals, and when to use care and how to use boldness safely when moving another.

Class structure: Combines lecture, Q&A, and experiential practices. 3.5 hours.

Authentic Relating Games Night

Who class is for:
Anyone who loves connecting deeply with others, who prefers one on one conversation, who feels lonely and would like to learn how to make better friends faster, who would rather have quality interactions or no interactions at all!

Skills taught:
The challenge of speaking only the truth of your own experience… your imaginations, projections, feelings, thoughts, sensations, noticings.
Letting your curiosity run wild about another, and sharing it with them… in connection.
Learning words for the entirety of your experience and others’, including the uncomfortable bits.
And accepting all those bits. Maybe with some laughter. Definitely with company.
Class Description:

It’s not a class, it’s a night of games! But we’ll lead it, and teach you, and have fun with you! You can use them as deep-as-you-want-to-go-icebreakers for whatever group you may lead in the future!

Here’s how Authentic World and The Integral Center in Boulder, Colorado describes Authentic Games Nights:
“Great opportunities for Intentional Socializing with fellow do-gooder’s, consciousness geeks, curious experimenters & generally adventurous souls.
Safe places for taking risks, playing a little more outside the box, and discovering more of ourselves than we might in our everyday lives.
Men, women & couples are all welcome to enjoy an evening with us while cultivating a deeper understanding of yourselves and what’s possible in your relationships.”
Class structure: Deep games, risky games, movement games, revealing games. Play to your comfort level: Mild, Medium or Spicy. Meet parts of your friends you never knew existed. 3.5 hours.